To all my scrapbooking friends,
I find that my need to just speak is stronger than giving a free wordart. I hope everyone understands.
My mind is becoming completely overwhelmed by my mother. I think about her all day long and I even awaken with her in my thoughts. When I'm awake I now find that I seek out things that I did with my mother. Yesterday following exercise .... I just let my car direct me. I had the strongest urge to just find a church ... ANY CHURCH and instead I just couldn't find one. The two that I did find were closed!!! I ended up yelling in my car "Why God are you making this so hard!!!" All I kept thinking was .... drive, drive, drive. And I ended up at a park I'd never been to before. Immediately I understood why .... my mother has always loved being in nature and even though we're thousands of miles apart. I walked with her. I talked to her, laughed at the bitter cold wind that was blowing, overlooked the water and watched the canadian geese. It was everything that she loves. The crispness of the air, the birds chirping and the silence. So, you see ... even though I can't be with her .... just the same ... I know that God lead me there.
I want to share that I am not going to Virginia afterall, unless it is just last minute. The reason being ... my mother has practically begged my brother and I not to be there. She only wants our step-father with her. Ever single cell in my brain and heart is yelling in disagreement; but after much prayer ... I know I must abide my her wishes. And, I know that is why I am seeking God's help with this. And yesterday ... in the silence of a walk, I found some comfort.
Conversation with her is not easy .... I often hang up the phone feeling like a failure. I want so much to be there and yet I get so tangled up in my words when we speak. Sometimes I am lucky if she will talk two minutes and the longest time feels like ten minutes. She is such a private person.
So, with those words .... please, please keep my family in your prayers.