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Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Latest News

It has been an unbelievable long time since I gave everyone an update. 

My mother is a survivor.  She continues to have days in which are hard for her, but she has an amazing inner strength.  I find that every single moment is a blessing and that time is a very precious gift.

We are back home in my mother's house.  And, it is a time for me to give back to her.  I clean, I cook (when she lets me) and I tiptoe around quietly when she is asleep.  Our talks will forever be tucked away in my heart and it is great to spoil her and see her smile. 

At times I wonder where the mother of my childhood has gone.  My mother's house is so still now.  For back then she was filled with endless energy and a love of life that knew no bountries.  Today she is quieter, forgetful and falls asleep so easily.  But, just the same ... she is my mother and I love her very much and our moments of sharing are enough.

And, I am aware that this may be my mother's end of her life.  She does not talk of death, because my mother believes only in living.  She is very afraid of the next step.  And, I can't go there with her in conversation.  I wonder if that is the right thing.  But, she is my mother and I won't do anything to upset her.

It is not easy for me to admit this to myself.  Because I can't imagine my life without her here.  Soon, I will have to return back to Iowa and I worry ... is this the last days of being with her.  So, I struggle.

Hugs, Sue

I will be returning home on April 25th.

13 comments:

Josephine Cox said...

Sometimes Sue just sitting in silence next to her is a very hard thing to do,but, if she can still talk to her she may talk to you. Death is hard to talk to about with your parents, but if she is able to talk to you, you might want to ask if she is scared, just as you are. As a hospice nurse in another lifetime, this is hard for us as children to face being without our parent. Enjoy her, kiss her, hug her and take pics of her. I know that sounds grim, but my mother wanted me to take her picture when she was having a great day during the end of her Alzheimer's and at first I couldn't look at them. Now some 12years later, I see the spark of love she had for me that I missed in her eyes. I will keep you in my prayers.Namaste~ Josie

Chrissys4Cards said...

Sending you love - I know the feeling and worry. I had the same with my dad a year ago and just did what I could. He did not know me in the end but I did my best.

Mickymunchkin's little space said...

hey, I can so feel with you just now... My mother in law, who is much more a mother to me than my mother ever was, is really the same as yours. We're waiting for that dreaded phone call... The thing is, she lives over in Scotland with her husband who has dementia, and we're over in Germany. My husband's sister, who has COPD and is in a very poor state herself, is trying to look after them. Yet we know we should be over there, helping, being there, yet Fin has to work, the kids have to go to school and for me, I'm not really a very healthy person either, unfortunately. We went over to see them last month and it broke my heart to know that was probably the last goodbye, the last hug, the last chance to spend time with her. It's so sad. I find it really good that you manage to spend time with her still, that you manage to have those conversations, to say what's still needing said, and to be able to pamper her a bit. Noone can take that time away from you and I truely hope, the two of you will find that "peace", I can't really explain what I mean... The knowledge that nothing will break the two of you apart, not even death...
Talking about death is difficult, yes. I realised that my mother in law needed to talk about it. I tried to tell her that she doesn't have to be scared, that her first daughter, who died when she was a baby, will be waiting there for her. That it's OK to let go and not try and fight too much anymore, suffer that much anymore. It was actually a very peaceful conversation. Maybe your Mum doesn't want to burden you with the topic? Do you think not talking about death would leave you thinking "we should have" afterwards?
Well, I pray for the two of you.... Lots of hugs from my side of the world...
Micky

Dee said...

You are doing the right thing. I did not spend enough time with my Mom before she died, and I have lived to regret it for the rest of my life. Each moment together is a treasure, as you are seeing. Continue to enjoy your time with your Mom.

Lisa Lynn said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you. Enjoy the time the best you can.

Jane said...

My heart is with you. It is good that you are having this time with her. I can only imagine how you are dealing with this. Loving her is good and unconditional love is even better ... so respecting her beliefs is precious. It would be good to be able to talk to her about leaving this world and moving on in her path through the Universe. She will still live, but on a different plane. You two will be connected and your souls will be forever linked in love. May all your angels surround you both with love and strength. Hugs and more, Jane

Moments by Marla said...

Sue, it has been quite some time since I have been to your blog thinking you are going to have all these great things for me to catch up on. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. It is wonderful that you are able to spend this time with her. My mom died of heart attack and was not able to tell her goodbye or I love you for the last time. Wishing you the best of times with your mom and safe travels. Safe travels home and to good doctor appointment for you.

Decosse's Dynamite Doodles said...

It is a tough thing to do, contemplating life without a parent. Unfortunately, as we age, it is something we all have to face however difficult. My heart is with you my friend. My spirit is wrapping you in a great big hug right at this moment.

Hugs,
Lisa

Anonymous said...

Hello Sue,

During this difficult time in your life, may you feel some comfort from the love and caring of your many, many friends here in cyber world.

txexperiment said...

This was so touching to read. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. It is a blessing that you can share this time with your mother. It is never easy to let our loved ones go but doing the kind of things you are doing for her now will give you much peace later.

May God be with you.

Cathy -Mercieschild said...

Oh Sweetie, I have been where you are right now and it is a hard place. I watched my Mother as she got older and bent over with osteoparalysis but like your Mother she never lost her spirit. She knew she was going to heaven to be with her Lord and she smiled. She seemed to fall asleep in a second in her chair and I would watch her and relish the moments of my mind taking pictures of her for my memory. It has been 18 years and I still miss her. She is so in my heart and sometimes I just talk to her and tell her things. I know I will be with her again in heaven. Cherish your time with her. She will never be out of your heart or your memory. That is a gift from God. I am praying for you and your sweet Mother. Hugs, Cathy K

Cathy -Mercieschild said...

Oh Sweetie, I have been where you are right now and it is a hard place. I watched my Mother as she got older and bent over with osteoparalysis but like your Mother she never lost her spirit. She knew she was going to heaven to be with her Lord and she smiled. She seemed to fall asleep in a second in her chair and I would watch her and relish the moments of my mind taking pictures of her for my memory. It has been 18 years and I still miss her. She is so in my heart and sometimes I just talk to her and tell her things. I know I will be with her again in heaven. Cherish your time with her. She will never be out of your heart or your memory. That is a gift from God. I am praying for you and your sweet Mother. Hugs, Cathy K

Edwina said...

Hi Sue, Sorry I have been absent. Life has been rough the last month for me. I am glad to know you got this special time with your Mom. I love mine dearly and I too can not imagine life without her. Your Friend, Edwina Brown