What is the brain

Now, I must tell you .....

Like most of each of us, I took my brain for granted.  No matter what I want to do, it is already ready to go into action.  I want to get out of bed; it signals for my legs to just lean down and move.  When my stomach growls it tells me I am hungry.

But, mine is feeling so very out of whack ....

It's giving me a headache

I'd really like to go to Kohl's and just return it because it sure feels defective.  I even have a hospital receipt, bill unpaid for them to credit.  You see no matter what I want it to do .... it has a mind of it's own.

I want to spell .... it's the practical joker. 

I am a great speller

Try to think .... and I'm like where did that word come from?!?!?!  Not even what I was thinking!

Challenge myself and think slower

To only sound like Ms. Chop-chop-chop- and destroy the English language.

Just think I will come up with my own Sue-ism's.  Do you think I should sell them???????

And, then there's the 3-5 second pain that travels through the left side of my head that stops me cold; I can't move at all until they leave.  And, I am getting them about three every hour on the hour.  Doc says that's normal.

My entire family is freaking out .... daughter Christa is still staying with us, daughter Angie calls from Texas twice a day, my mother wants to know why I'm not calling her three times a day, my husband has become my shadow and my son, Drue keeps repeating as if I didn't already know .....

"Mom, you had a stroke"

 

 

I know they are all worried about me.  Duh, I'm worried about me!!!!  They keep wanting me to be the same and it's plain freaking them all out!!!!  And, all I want to do is go hide!!!!  Because I know and don't feel normal!!!

 

My husband is a man that only knows how to fix problems and this is sooo, soooo hard on him.  I know that he is feeling helpless.  He is a take charge kind of man.  He is a "let's find the solution" and work on it.  Solution, solution, solution.  He is driving me crazy, but I love him so much for all his caring.  So, then I get frustrated with myself.

 

 

 

 

I went looking for a painting that just describes how I feel.  And, this one fits it perfectly.  I feel like this brain doesn't belong to me.  I am just consumed by all my emotions.  And, I am feeling very confused.  I don't know which person I am going to feel next.  For days I have been so angry because I want to go watch Justin play in the All-Stars.  No one has been able to reason with me.  And, the person I am the most frustrated with is myself and my husband is running a close second.  I feel like a child just wanting my own way.  I know everyone wants what is best for me, yet I feel so frustrated.

 

So, I am trying to turn now to my faith.  I am trying to take the time to listen to Him.  It's really so hard because I know that I am angry and grateful with Him also.  I just feel like a contradiction in everything.

 



 

You can download this at:

http://www.4shared.com/zip/R7VE8FbS/faith_set1.html

 

 

For anyone that has not been to my blog in a while, and has returned today I unfortunately had a minor stroke.  And, if you are new to the blog .... don't get scared off.  I don't usually sound this lost in myself.  I have asked to use my blog as a sounding board and so many of my friends here have told me I can.  It really does help me!!!!!

 

Hugs, Sue



Through the eyes of a baby

You can download at:

http://www.4shared.com/zip/RM2AX9Og/mom_belongs_to_me.html

 

I had a reason for choosing this particular one because it does represent my grandchildren.

 

However, my thoughts are:                            

                                                                       HEY DOC!!!

 

what do you

mean

ABOUT

 

my grandson ....

he's calling me on the phone

 

HE MADE ALL-STAR

FOR THE CITY OF DUBUQUE

 

AND YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME

 

that I can't be

with my

munchkin

 

THIS DOWN RIGHT SUCKS!!!!!

 

 

 

Friday the doctor informed me I need to continue resting and that my activity is limited.  This is the latest news for me and I am miserable.  Actually, it has made me mad.  I don't want to take it easy .... I want to work my muscles, I want to talk properly again and I want to really work my body.

 

He does not want me doing anything yet with my grandchildren that's physical activity.  Like going to swim for an afternoon at the pool, he doesn't want me going walking with just them, he doesn't want me going to a baseball game, he doesn't want me playing video games and it just plain sucks, sucks, sucks and sucks some more.

 

I am actually very mad .... if you didn't get that yet.  That neurologist trying to tell me what to do!!!!  My grandson, Justin is representing the city of Dubuque, Iowa as an "All Star" player and I am not, I repeat not sitting my butt on the sofa just listening!!!!  Dr. Peterson says the four hour drive will totally exhaust me.  He has advised me about the heat, the noises, the activities ... he says I'll go into stimuli overload.   He doesn't want me over extending myself.  To me, he is just being plain hateful or stupid.  This man just doesn't know me!!!!

 

This doctor has no idea how important my family is to me!!!!  They are my biggest healing force.  John is trying to tell me he'll take millions of pictures and it will be just like I am there.  Not going to work!!!!!!  John wants me to listen to the doctor, Christa (my daughter) wants me to listen to the doctor and Justin and I have a pact ... I am going to be there .... somehow, someway !!!!!!  We'll figure out a way before July 12 through 14.  Or I better be able to watch Justin's every move live on a computer screen!!!  Talk and chatter .... have a hot dog!!!!  AND, CHEER!!!!!

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Hugs, Sue

 

I HAVE ALREADY BEEN TOLD I WON'T BE ABLE TO DRIVE FOR SIX MONTH AND THAT IS BAD ENOUGH ..... BUT I REFUSE TO HAVE MY LIFE PASS ME BY AND BE A SPECTATOR, ESPECIALLY LOCKED IN MY HOUSE!!!!!

 

Thanks for listening, Sue

 

No one, and I mean no one is keeping me from that game.  I AM JUSTIN'S BIGGEST CHEERLEADER.  I even promise I won't utter a sound if John will just take me to the ballgame.

 

Hugs, Sue