Like most of each of us, I took my brain for granted. No matter what I want to do, it is already ready to go into action. I want to get out of bed; it signals for my legs to just lean down and move. When my stomach growls it tells me I am hungry.
But, mine is feeling so very out of whack ....
It's giving me a headache
I'd really like to go to Kohl's and just return it because it sure feels defective. I even have a hospital receipt, bill unpaid for them to credit. You see no matter what I want it to do .... it has a mind of it's own.
I want to spell .... it's the practical joker.
I am a great speller
Try to think .... and I'm like where did that word come from?!?!?! Not even what I was thinking!
Challenge myself and think slower
To only sound like Ms. Chop-chop-chop- and destroy the English language.
Just think I will come up with my own Sue-ism's. Do you think I should sell them???????
And, then there's the 3-5 second pain that travels through the left side of my head that stops me cold; I can't move at all until they leave. And, I am getting them about three every hour on the hour. Doc says that's normal.
My entire family is freaking out .... daughter Christa is still staying with us, daughter Angie calls from Texas twice a day, my mother wants to know why I'm not calling her three times a day, my husband has become my shadow and my son, Drue keeps repeating as if I didn't already know .....
"Mom, you had a stroke"
I know they are all worried about me. Duh, I'm worried about me!!!! They keep wanting me to be the same and it's plain freaking them all out!!!! And, all I want to do is go hide!!!! Because I know and don't feel normal!!!
My husband is a man that only knows how to fix problems and this is sooo, soooo hard on him. I know that he is feeling helpless. He is a take charge kind of man. He is a "let's find the solution" and work on it. Solution, solution, solution. He is driving me crazy, but I love him so much for all his caring. So, then I get frustrated with myself.
I went looking for a painting that just describes how I feel. And, this one fits it perfectly. I feel like this brain doesn't belong to me. I am just consumed by all my emotions. And, I am feeling very confused. I don't know which person I am going to feel next. For days I have been so angry because I want to go watch Justin play in the All-Stars. No one has been able to reason with me. And, the person I am the most frustrated with is myself and my husband is running a close second. I feel like a child just wanting my own way. I know everyone wants what is best for me, yet I feel so frustrated.
So, I am trying to turn now to my faith. I am trying to take the time to listen to Him. It's really so hard because I know that I am angry and grateful with Him also. I just feel like a contradiction in everything.
You can download this at:
For anyone that has not been to my blog in a while, and has returned today I unfortunately had a minor stroke. And, if you are new to the blog .... don't get scared off. I don't usually sound this lost in myself. I have asked to use my blog as a sounding board and so many of my friends here have told me I can. It really does help me!!!!!